trauma-informed THERAPY FOR
POLYAMORY, ETHICAL NON-MONOGAMY, AND KINK
in seattle, Bellevue, and all of Washington state
Love the ones you are with without losing any of them.
Open your relationship, negotiate ethically, PLAY SAFELY, and create secure attachment
for everyone involved.
I offer a free, virtual 30-minute consultation for individuals and couples living the lifestyle.
“WE WANT TO OPEN OUR RELATIONSHIP BUT WE DON’T QUITE KNOW HOW TO DO IT. IT’S MORE DIFFICULT THAN IT SEEMS.”
“I AM NON-MONOGAMOUS. THAT’S WHO I AM AND HOW I FEEL AT MY BEST. IT’S HARD TO TALK TO OTHERS ABOUT IT. MY COMMUNITY, NEIGHBORS, FRIENDS, FAMILY… EVEN THERAPISTS HAVE TREATED ME AS IF I HAVE A PROBLEM THAT NEEDS TO BE FIXED.“
“IT WAS ALL GOING SO WELL AND NOW I’M FEELING INSECURE, OR THEY DO, OR ALL OF US. IT’S A MESS.
“IT WOULD BE GREAT TO WORK OUT THE KINKS WITH A NEUTRAL PERSON, A PROFESSIONAL WHO GETS IT.”
THE LIFESTYLE IS A VALID CHOICE. SO ARE YOUR FEELINGS AND INSECURITIES.
THAT’S THE BEAUTY OF IT. YOU LEARN MORE ABOUT YOURSEF AND OTHERS THAN YOU WOULD IF YOU WERE MONOGAMOUS.
IT DOESN’T MEAN IT’S EASY.
YOU KNEW THAT MONOGAMY WASN’T YOUR CUP OF TEA. SOMETIMES YOU AND THE ONES YOU LOVE ARE VIEWED AS commitment-phobic or aberrant.
YOU aren’t.
When you identify the root cause, targeted healing can begin.
* Every experience serves your growth. Opening a relationship or relating to multiple partners is more demanding and more challenging. You can grow from this in a way that leaves you stronger than before.
* “The Lifestyle” will bring up attachment issues. It will show you how secure you feel within yourself and with your partner(s). It’s an opportunity to heal old attachment wounds for the last time.
* Negotiation, fairness, equality and integrity are key. Your emotional maturity and communication skills are getting an update. It’s always rocky in the beginning.
* You can turn a new chapter in intimate relationships; one that doesn’t have “mayhem” in the headline.
* You can move from “getting by” to thriving, and learn to create a life you love to live.
* The Lifestyle will likely trigger any hidden trauma. You can use your relationship adventures to regain healthy tranquility and inner peace without losing your edge. You can shed the contracted state of “waiting for the other shoe to drop”.
* You can tackle the challenge, laugh again, and participate fully in the preciousness of the moment.
* You can step free of the uncontrollable emotions and confusing reactions that are at the core of trauma, and be in charge of yourself, your thoughts and feelings, your behaviors, and your choices.
* You can learn to tell which people are good for you and which ones aren’t, let go of hurtful relationships, and choose more suitable partners.
* You can learn to be authentically, unapologetically YOU.
* You can live a life full of experiences that others can only dream of. You can embrace adventure. In the process, you’ll gain your footing and give yourself permission to become what you always meant to be … On all levels of your life.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Heal your Heart. Live with Ease. Thrive with confidence.
I help high-functioning adults understand how traumatic past events manifest as emotional problems in the present. Together, we rewrite old scripts and exit negative cycles through neurological change.
You can move from “making it through the day” to “flourishing emotionally” even if it seemed impossible before, too time-consuming, too painful, ineffective, and too disruptive.
Hi, I am Veronika Stutz, LMHC.
I believe it can be done.
CHANGE IS IN OUR NATURE. THE BODY IS DESIGNED TO ADAPT, GROW AND HEAL. THE BRAIN POSSESSES NEUROPLASTICITY - THE ABILITY TO GROW OR REORGANIZE NEURAL NETWORKS. WE ARE MADE TO CONTINUE ADAPTING TO OUR ENVIRONMENT; PHYSICALLY, STRUCTURALLY, NEUROLOGICALLY, AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY.
I am an EMDRIA-certified EMDR therapist. I specialize in trauma, and I conceptualize symptoms through a trauma-informed lens.
WE CAN ENGAGE THE INNATE ADAPTABILITY OF OUR BRAINS AND NERVOUS SYSTEMS FOR NATURAL HEALING.
I am an experienced guide with a powerful lantern. I know a way out of the dark tunnel because I've been there many times. I know that the scary shadows on the walls can't hurt you if we flash my lantern and pass by them, leaving the past where it belongs.
I'll take your hand, and I won't let go unless you want me to. We’ll walk together until you safely reach the light.
This is where I can assist you best:
working together is simple.
THE PROCESS OF THERAPY
1) Preparation: ASSESSMENT, DIAGNOSIS, TREATMENT PLAN
Generally, we will meet 1-2x per week for 60-90 minutes at your appointed time.
For the first 2 sessions, we meet for 90 minutes to complete an assessment together, identify a diagnosis if you want one (unless you’re an insurance client, then we must add a diagnosis), identify your goals, and make a treatment plan.
2) The beginning stage: Playing puzzle
We get to know each other until we know and trust each other. Since we don’t want to waste any time, we’ll start by spilling all the puzzle pieces of your life on the table. We’ll look at each piece and see how they all fit together until we have a coherent picture.
We’ll start an EMDR case conceptualization and possibly do a brief demo of how EMDR works.
We may use Gestalt therapy/parts work/Ego States therapy. You’ll playfully give different personality parts, thoughts, feelings, or memories a voice until your entire inner committee feels heard and understood. It’s a bit like role-playing or theater, and it saves you from “talking about it”. You’ll just … spill it. I’ll show you and support you, and we make it fun. Of course, I’ll always be open to your feedback, and you don’t have to use interventions you don’t like.
We may learn cognitive-behavioral strategies and behavioral supports as necessary, such as learning Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills by workbook or groups, or creating action-plans to begin changing habits.
We’ll engage in EMDR resourcing, which means strengthening the part of you that is wise, capable, skilled, heroic, resilient, and so very lovable and worthy.
3) The intermediate stage: Detective work
We’ll start the detective work of seeking the needle in the haystack, which we do by riding feelings back in time to the earliest time you remember feeling this way. We may give parts a voice again to find out what “decisions” you made about life at a time when you were too young to know the final truth about life. We’ll identify limiting beliefs that may have kept you safe at the time but are no longer needed.
We’ll identify negative core beliefs about yourself that are associated to traumatic experiences.
From here, we’ll either continue parts work and engage in Healing of Memories or self-parenting, move into EMDR processing, or alternate and mix modalities depending on what works best for you.
4) The end stage: The Harvest
We continue EMDR processing until you report no symptoms, we see behaviors change positively, you reached your goals, we measure your progress on a scale from 0-10, and we determine that you have achieved significant change.
When we are certain that you are satisfied with the improvements, we switch to bi-weekly therapy sessions to taper off and see how you do on your own. After a month or so, we’ll officially end therapy and switch to voluntary wellness visits. This means that you can schedule irregular single sessions to check in.
POLYAMORY, ETHICAL NON-MONOGAMY INDIVIDUALS AND COUPLES
Since there are many different scenarios in polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, monogamous couples counseling, kink, and various combinations, the process of intervention requires more flexibility. When in doubt, schedule a free consultation.
the FREE CONSULTATION
1) Click on the “Schedule Your Free Consultation” button. It will take you to my secure client platform Simple Practice, where you can schedule a meeting. You can also email me directly at vivi@phoenixrisescounseling.org, or use the contact form to ask for a meeting time that is not listed. I may be able to see you earlier if someone cancels.
2) I will either confirm your consultation through Simple Practice, or email you additional availabilities.
3) You will receive an email from Simple Practice, giving you access to the portal. For a consultation, please fill out the Informed Consent for a Telehealth Consultation form. (Simple Practice is so easy to navigate, even I can do it.) If you run into problems, email me.
4) A few hours before your appointment, Simple Practice will send you an email with a link to access the virtual consultation. Try the link ahead of time. Some cell phones require you to download an app. Desktops or laptops won’t.
5) We’ll meet! I will ask you what brings you into therapy and what your goals are. You can ask me anything and I will do my best to address your concerns. We will connect informally to get to know each other, but observe professional boundaries.
WHO THIS WORK IS FOR
* You have been in therapy before and you’re looking for the next phase in your growth.
* You have an understanding of your mental and emotional processes, and you can verbalize them.
* You can verbalize your goals.
* You’re done being an externalizer, and you appreciate personal responsibility for thoughts and feelings.
* You are ready for measurable change or willing to try, and able to commit to a window of time to achieve it.
* You can stay present in your body and maintain present awareness, or you’re willing to take the extra time to achieve this ability before we can engage in trauma work.
* You appreciate humor. Humor is a therapeutic intervention, not a sign of lacking professionalism.
* You seek a real relationship with an authentic therapist while maintaining professional boundaries. No blank slate here, that’s so last century.
THIS WORK MAY NOT BE FOR YOU IF…
* You require a level of care I can’t offer, such as active suicidal ideation, substance abuse, or a mood disorder. If we find out that this is the case, I will help you with a referal.
* You need around-the-clock support, or depend on ongoing support to function. I am unable to offer this level of care in solo practice as I don’t have any staff.
* You are unable to make a consistent time commitment of 3-6 months. While I do take time off as well, I aim to provide shorter-term, focused therapy that builds on self-supportive momentum.
* You “just want to talk about it”. While I hold a safe space for you and honor your pace, I am not a good fit for small talk.
*You are not ready to experience your thoughts, feelings, and sensations, or to verbalize. Therapy may be uncomfortable at times, even though I take great care to close each session with positive resourcing.
What others are saying
about my work
I sometimes hear that this work has ‘changed lives”, “exceeded expectations” and made clients feel “heard and understood like they haven’t before.”
Colleagues who recommend me wrote:
“Veronika is a compassionate and caring EMDR practitioner. She is innately tuned into the needs of her clients. I recommend her to men and women who have experienced abusive childhoods and/or relationships and are yearning for big life changes.“
“Also, X shared how impactful you have been to her over the past year and it was so touching. It made my eyes fill up with tears thinking of how meaningful your work is in this world. You truly are a lovely, kind and compassionate soul.” Ellie Kane, LMHC
“Veronika is a highly skilled, warm, and caring therapist. She has extensive experience treating grief and CPTSD and is an expert in treating poly, kink, and ENM couples and individuals. She excels at helping her clients achieve their goals.“ Milena Gordillo, MSW, LICSW
FEE SCHEDULE
60-minute therapy/EMDR: $160
90-minute therapy/EMDR: $240
90-minute IADC therapy: $250
60-minute couples counseling: $180
90-minute couples counseling: $270
I offer out-of-network benefits and I will provide superbills for insurance reimbursement.
PLEASE NOTE:
Insurance doesn’t pay or reimburse for IADC.
I accept Aetna, Kaiser PPO, and First Choice Health.
I offer Premera out-of-network benefits. Please feel free to inquire about details.
But…
It’s a lot of money.
Yes, I get it. It’s a significant investment.
However, at a higher fee, I can see fewer clients. This enables me to dedicate more time, focus, thought, continuing education, peer consultation, mentoring, professional EMDR consultation, and energy to you. Higher fees mean I can provide premium service. You are not just a number in a factory-style healthcare mill, but a unique person I can get to know as intimately as you let me. I can commit to your care at a much higher level. We’ll get more done in less time.
It’s not a good time.
It’s never a good time for life changes. It’s definitely never a good time to look at what we prefer to avoid. If we as humans had it our way, we wouldn’t change at all because the timing’s never quite right to leave our comfort zone.
But the right time is never coming unless you make it so, and your lifetime passes by every day regardless.
It’s too disruptive.
It’s a valid concern if you’re steeped in responsibilities and demands. However, it doesn’t have to be disruptive. I’ve often read that most EMDR processing happens between sessions or even in your sleep because we activate a natural healing process in the brain. And that’s without homework.
Besides, I’ll make you a deal. If I don’t listen sensitively to your needs and adjust to your unique pacing, you get to fire me.
It’s too painful.
You may have been disappointed in the past by endlessly “talking about it” and feeling worse after therapy. Maybe you couldn’t function as well in your busy life, and you don’t want to take the risk again. But it can be different if we strengthen your positive parts/memories at the beginning of therapy and the end of every session so you don’t go back to life in emotional turmoil.
If I don’t listen and take your feedback into account, fire me. Healing is work, yes. You may be uncomfortable. But if you’re hurting more than before, we need to adjust the treatment approach so you can tolerate it. “No pain, no gain” is sooo 1980s.
You’re worth it.
Money can be replaced. Lifetime can’t.
YOUR LIFETIME AND LIFE QUALITY ARE YOUR MOST VALUABLE ASSETS.
WELCOME TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL:
THE TRAUMA THERAPY LIFERAFT
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